Flashes

Sometimes I get flashes of what life might be like if Daniel was here and not a beautiful angel.
Today as I was sitting in my living room and it hit me like a sack of bricks... if things had gone the way I wanted...

David and I would be sitting an apartment on his campus, with our baby... He'd be studying, I'd be quizzing him and feeding Daniel. I'd work in the evenings while he had the baby, and be home while he was in class. The next semester I'd start school and have an opposite class schedule than him, or ask friends to babysit if there was a conflict. I'd work when I could and study and be with the baby on my down time.

I know there are people out there who are doing it right now, and I'm completely inspired by a nursing student I met in the Student Union Building... she's a single mother, on her own, full time student, no parental support, works in the evenings. And she claims she couldn't be happier to have her baby boy.

Sometimes as I'm getting into bed I see how perfectly a crib would fit into my massive bedroom. Near the window so he could see the birds. How I'd love to hear him breathing as I fell asleep, and how safe he'd be so close. Any cough, change in breathing, anything at all, I would know immediately having him so close.

60 years ago being 20 without a husband and child was almost unheard of. Today, its frowned upon. The change in culture is amazing...

Maybe we could have done it, maybe not. I couldn't tell you, I'll never know.

Daniel's gone forever....