Tuesday, September 25, 2012

CarlyMarie's October Project

I think I will be participating in CarlyMarie's Capture Your Grief Project for the month of October.
As you probably know, October is Infant Loss Awareness month. Specifically October 15th is the International Wave of Light.

So brace yourselves, the photos are coming.
Starting October 1st until the end of the month I will try to post a picture everyday in accordance with the theme of the day. 

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Blog Revamp

I've changed things up a little on my blog.
Along the top are now tabs to my projects and pages that are important to me.
Hopefully this will keep things a little tidier.

Our New Logo- The Melissa Project

Special thank you to 911jason of Reddit.com for his amazing work.
I am very excited to continue this project even if there was a slight bump in the road yesterday. My spirits have not been dampened! 

Friday, September 14, 2012

FAQs about the Melissa Project

After some misunderstandings and unneeded tension on the Facebook page I decided it was best to post a FAQ page so that people had more information. I apologize for any undue stress, but need to remind people- I am human, I work, go to school, and have a house to run, I CANNOT be on Facebook 24/7 to answer questions. Hopefully this clears up some things and opens up a mature and respectful conversation.


What is the point of a "fake profile"?
The "fake" profile is the basis of the story- think of it like a canvas for a painting. Its where "Melissa's" story is being unfolded. The film will show Melissa's timeline as she goes through her journey. Facebook is an interesting way of looking into the humane psyche, which is why I have chosen it as my muse. Also a Facebook doesn't look real unless others have commented, and to be honest I'm too lazy to make up a bunch of profiles just to comment on the one. This profile will be deleted after the video is made. Here's my inspiration for the project: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzPEPfJHfKU 

Why are you trying to deceive people?
There is no deception going on here, I'm trying very hard to be transparent about the whole project. ONLY people who volunteer to be part of Melissa's story will be friended to her Facebook page. These people will be frequently reminded that it is NOT a real person, and merely a story being told. On top of that every thing will be moving too quickly to be realistic. The whole project will take place over approximately 2 weeks, from conception to loss. There's no way this could happen in our reality.

Why are you asking for pictures and not using your own?
I suffered 4 early miscarriages (first trimester) and have basically nothing. My thought process was that I could include others so their child would not only be immortalized but continuing to do amazing good in this world by spreading awareness. Belly pictures, ultra sounds, memorials, etc are all things that are needed to tell this photo. To go online and use stock photos makes this project mean so much less. 

Will my picture be used?
Not necessarily! You may volunteer photos, but unless they fit into the story they may not be used. I will use multiple people's ultrasounds/sonograms, but only one person's baby's picture(s), one person's memorial photo(s), etc etc.

Are my pictures safe?
When used by me, yes. But please use your common sense for posting them! Pictures posted on the events page are out in the public, those PM'ed to me may only be used on the project. This is where YOU must make the best choice for you. 

What is your name? You Facebook says "Kay" and your event page says "Kirsten"
Like most people on earth I have a nickname and that is Kay. My legal name is Kirsten. Due to privacy reasons I tend to go by "Kay" on the internet, but for legal reasons (release of photos for use on this project) my legal name needed to be used. I'm also not Emma or Megan or Kendra- these three women are dear friends of mine who came to help me when I was unable to defend myself. Just like good friends should, I would die for these three ladies. 

Are you a real "angel mom"?
I have suffered 4 miscarriages between 2007 and 2011. You tell me if that make me an "angel mom".

Why were you so vague to begin with on what this project was?
Call it an amateur mistake. I honestly didn't think that many people would take interest in the project and obviously didn't think through how vague I was being. I sincerely apologize. 

I have more questions!
Please ask- I am more than happy to answer them as long as they are respectful. I'm not trying to dupe anyone or steal anything. My only goal with this project is to raise awareness for the heart break that parents go through when they lose a much loved child. 

Thursday, September 13, 2012

A New Project

Tonight, I launched the beginning stages of my multi-media project to bring awareness to Infant Loss, named as of now "The Melissa Project".

To get involved go HERE

Here's the (rough) story line:

  • The video opens on our main character, Melissa's, Facebook (conversations, games, random photos)
  • Announcement of pregnancy on Facebook by posting 8-10 week scan
  • Melissa continues to update about pregnancy and post scans, photos of baby clothes, maybe photos from the baby shower(s), and complaints about the pregnancy
  • Posts continue until Melissa goes in premature labor
  • Melissa posts that she gave birth to her child too early and he/she didn't survive
  • Photos of the baby/hands/feet/etc are posted
  • Condolences and other things are posted by friends to console Melissa
  • Melissa posts photos of the memorial service
  • Video ends with a short bit on statistics and then acknowledgements of all who participated
This project is being made specifically for a Digital Story Telling class (Washington State University) but more importantly for my own healing. 

Anyone is welcome to participate, please feel free to join the Facebook event. 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Just want to scream

This is going to be a rant- You have been warned.

Over the last few days I've been angry.
Angry at myself, a my professors, at my job, at the world.

If you had talked to me four, three, even two years ago I could have told you a rough map of what my future looked like. Or at least what I wanted it to look like.

It would have involved graduating, getting married, starting a family.

6 months ago it looked like, graduation, getting married, starting grad school, starting a family.

Right now- graduate, get married, figure out a new job until D graduates, settle where he needs to go, maybe start grad school if we settle where it is possible, work any job I can find.

Notice "start a family" has disappeared? There are no children in my future as of right now. It is not even a possibility. Between finances and school there is no chance, unless there's an accident.

Right now an accident would be catastrophic to our wedding plans- involves in traveling and fitting into a wedding dress. I don't want anything to ruin our wedding, especially since so much money has been put down on it.

At one point we had made plans to try and get pregnant on the honeymoon, or at least just stop using contraceptives. That's absolutely not an option anymore.

And it hurts.

Something I held on to as an "end goal" to all the bull shit of college and a crappy job is gone. Completely gone. I don't even have anything to look forward to anymore.

I have a sucky job, a crappy semester that ends with a graduation with a degree that is useless (until I get my chance at grad school).

I admit I have the wedding to look forward to, and I really am looking forward to becoming the wife of the most amazing man I know. But I guess the issue was that I was looking forward to the potential of a pregnancy not too long after the wedding.

I should be thankful for what I have... right now I'm just fucking angry.