Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Subconscious
It's amazing how something you tell your self doesn't bother you and isn't worthy of your attention can be gnawing away at you for months before it makes itself clearly present.
As a dedicated citizen of the community I live in (wow way to make myself sound important...) I am a volunteer girl scout leader to a local brownie troop since none of the parent's would step up. Tells you a lot about my troop eh? Anyways, the comment is often made "You aren't a mom, you wouldn't understand"
Now, I reasoned that they were slightly right since I had not had a child grow to be a second grader. I was not blessed with that thus far in my life. I will be someday but not today. I also reasoned that they were oblivious to my situation and I couldn't be mad with people who didn't understand.
Tonight, I snapped. I was accused of some ridiculous things by my co-leader, and it really shouldn't have gotten to me. I'm bigger than that and much more mature than that. I had to sit myself down and ask, what's causing me to get so worked up? Really?
Then I realized... as much as David and others validated me for being a mom in my own special way these women were cutting me down. Even if I didn't consciously believe it, my subconscious was feeling it and wearing away.
I am a mother. A very special mother. A mother to angels.
As a dedicated citizen of the community I live in (wow way to make myself sound important...) I am a volunteer girl scout leader to a local brownie troop since none of the parent's would step up. Tells you a lot about my troop eh? Anyways, the comment is often made "You aren't a mom, you wouldn't understand"
Now, I reasoned that they were slightly right since I had not had a child grow to be a second grader. I was not blessed with that thus far in my life. I will be someday but not today. I also reasoned that they were oblivious to my situation and I couldn't be mad with people who didn't understand.
Tonight, I snapped. I was accused of some ridiculous things by my co-leader, and it really shouldn't have gotten to me. I'm bigger than that and much more mature than that. I had to sit myself down and ask, what's causing me to get so worked up? Really?
Then I realized... as much as David and others validated me for being a mom in my own special way these women were cutting me down. Even if I didn't consciously believe it, my subconscious was feeling it and wearing away.
I am a mother. A very special mother. A mother to angels.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Little Alice
You're always in my dreams it seems,
Little Alice dear,
Your hair is dark,
And your eyes are bright,
A smile you always wear,
You sat on my mother's lap at my wedding,
Asleep in the Garden you laid when I saw my angels,
Your daddy handed you to me while sitting in a meadow,
And one night I sat and rocked you in my bedroom.
Little Alice I know you're mine,
But I don't know why you've come,
Are you here to give me hope?
Or torture me with what I want the most?
Little Alice dear,
Your hair is dark,
And your eyes are bright,
A smile you always wear,
You sat on my mother's lap at my wedding,
Asleep in the Garden you laid when I saw my angels,
Your daddy handed you to me while sitting in a meadow,
And one night I sat and rocked you in my bedroom.
Little Alice I know you're mine,
But I don't know why you've come,
Are you here to give me hope?
Or torture me with what I want the most?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Angel baby mission
Angel Baby community is raising founds to print 1st edition of AB keepsake booklets for the distribution to the maternity hospitals . We need your help to make this happen .We as, community truly believe that these books are so needed right across the globe and AB is about bringing a change to support parents need right than and there ♥
The initial cost of $1570 for 3000 books requires a further $150 for every next 1000 books to be printed .
One booklet will cost AUD$0.65 ♥ 10 booklets $AUD6.50 ♥
Just think , if you can spare a cost of a cup of coffee , you will help to support 4 - 6 angel families , for the cost of any lunch fast food meal ? 10 - 14 families will receive not only a keepsake but the link to the support , link to our community . When a child grows their angel wings , the feeling of isolation is a overwhelming. Our youngest angel is 5 weeks gestation , oldest is 8 years of age . Together as community ,we can make a difference.
Every donor will receive an electronic certificate of appreciation ♥ your Precious Angel or Angels will be listed in the Loving Memory of page on AB site ♥ ♥ Memorial
* How to make a payment :
* go to your paypal account
* send money
* email address
* support@ourangelbaby.org
* choose GIFT as payment option ( no charges deducted of your donation )
* and add amount you wish to donate ...in comments please add your dedication for your Precious Angel ♥ so we can update the Memorials page with his / her name ♥
* approximate exchange rates :USD$5.00 = AUD$6.00 * AUD$5.oo =CAD$ 6.00 AUD$5.00 = GBP 3.90
* AB keepsake booklets will have a full colour cover , black and white A5 internal pages
* Inside cover
Certificate of Life
Name: ________________________
Precious child of
____________________________
Born on: ____________________________
Time: ____________
Place: _________________________
Weight: ______________ Length: ____________
Head circumference: ____________
Delivered by: _______________________
* 2nd page special paper for imprints * Your precious child’s Hand and feet ink prints*
* pages 3 through 5 your wishes and wisdom form Time with your Angel page on our website x
* 6 blank pages to write the memories
Angel Baby is an amazing site and deserves all the help we can give!
The initial cost of $1570 for 3000 books requires a further $150 for every next 1000 books to be printed .
One booklet will cost AUD$0.65 ♥ 10 booklets $AUD6.50 ♥
Just think , if you can spare a cost of a cup of coffee , you will help to support 4 - 6 angel families , for the cost of any lunch fast food meal ? 10 - 14 families will receive not only a keepsake but the link to the support , link to our community . When a child grows their angel wings , the feeling of isolation is a overwhelming. Our youngest angel is 5 weeks gestation , oldest is 8 years of age . Together as community ,we can make a difference.
Every donor will receive an electronic certificate of appreciation ♥ your Precious Angel or Angels will be listed in the Loving Memory of page on AB site ♥ ♥ Memorial
* How to make a payment :
* go to your paypal account
* send money
* email address
* support@ourangelbaby.org
* choose GIFT as payment option ( no charges deducted of your donation )
* and add amount you wish to donate ...in comments please add your dedication for your Precious Angel ♥ so we can update the Memorials page with his / her name ♥
* approximate exchange rates :USD$5.00 = AUD$6.00 * AUD$5.oo =CAD$ 6.00 AUD$5.00 = GBP 3.90
* AB keepsake booklets will have a full colour cover , black and white A5 internal pages
* Inside cover
Certificate of Life
Name: ________________________
Precious child of
____________________________
Born on: ____________________________
Time: ____________
Place: _________________________
Weight: ______________ Length: ____________
Head circumference: ____________
Delivered by: _______________________
* 2nd page special paper for imprints * Your precious child’s Hand and feet ink prints*
* pages 3 through 5 your wishes and wisdom form Time with your Angel page on our website x
* 6 blank pages to write the memories
Angel Baby is an amazing site and deserves all the help we can give!
Dark haired baby girl
Every night since the Friday I spent with David there's been a baby girl in my dreams.
The first night she was in someone's arms and she was so little. It was a party or something and I just merely noticed how lovely the tiny baby was.
Since that night, every night, without fail this tiny little girl appears.
One night I dreamed of my angels and was visiting them in their Garden... and she was there nestled in the cradles of rose leaves exactly like my own angels. My angels almost always sleep so peacefully when I see them in the Garden, and there was this baby. Dark haired, brilliant blue eyes, and a dazzling little smile. She smiled up at me as babies often do. I wanted to claim her an intruder, a stranger to this haven of my own angels. But I couldn't feel this towards her, I only felt love and a strange peacefulness as I watched the baby.
Another night I was dreaming of my wedding and the ceremony as I said "I do" to my one and only, David. There in the front row sitting in my own mother's arms was the tiny baby. Dressed in a little white gown with a little white bow. I smiled and new she was supposed to be there then continued on with my own vows.
Last night, David walked up to me with the baby in his arms and handed her to me... the first time I had held for touched the infant. He smiled and kissed her head and then smiled at me. I was so lost in the baby's eyes at that point I don't know what happened to David at all. She was so beautiful with her shining happy eyes and her soft downy brown hair. Her skin was soft and perfect, and she was wearing a traditional white layette as if she'd just been baptized. She was perfect in every way and my heart glowed holding her. Somewhere deep in my chest I knew she belonged to me and in my arms.
I do not know her name.
As I started to wake up I fought the urge to open my eyes. I wouldn't let her slide away from me. But inevitably I had to wake. The baby girl stays with me even now as I write this, and I find part of myself sad that I'm not holding her now.
Who is she?
The first night she was in someone's arms and she was so little. It was a party or something and I just merely noticed how lovely the tiny baby was.
Since that night, every night, without fail this tiny little girl appears.
One night I dreamed of my angels and was visiting them in their Garden... and she was there nestled in the cradles of rose leaves exactly like my own angels. My angels almost always sleep so peacefully when I see them in the Garden, and there was this baby. Dark haired, brilliant blue eyes, and a dazzling little smile. She smiled up at me as babies often do. I wanted to claim her an intruder, a stranger to this haven of my own angels. But I couldn't feel this towards her, I only felt love and a strange peacefulness as I watched the baby.
Another night I was dreaming of my wedding and the ceremony as I said "I do" to my one and only, David. There in the front row sitting in my own mother's arms was the tiny baby. Dressed in a little white gown with a little white bow. I smiled and new she was supposed to be there then continued on with my own vows.
Last night, David walked up to me with the baby in his arms and handed her to me... the first time I had held for touched the infant. He smiled and kissed her head and then smiled at me. I was so lost in the baby's eyes at that point I don't know what happened to David at all. She was so beautiful with her shining happy eyes and her soft downy brown hair. Her skin was soft and perfect, and she was wearing a traditional white layette as if she'd just been baptized. She was perfect in every way and my heart glowed holding her. Somewhere deep in my chest I knew she belonged to me and in my arms.
I do not know her name.
As I started to wake up I fought the urge to open my eyes. I wouldn't let her slide away from me. But inevitably I had to wake. The baby girl stays with me even now as I write this, and I find part of myself sad that I'm not holding her now.
Who is she?
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Amazing video
Babylost Mother's Video
This video is incredible, I wanted to post it on my blog but this is the best I can do.
Here's to all the Babylost Mother's out there, I love you and think of you often.
<3 <3 <3
This video is incredible, I wanted to post it on my blog but this is the best I can do.
Here's to all the Babylost Mother's out there, I love you and think of you often.
<3 <3 <3
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Beautiful Poem
I just wanted to let you know that I made it home. The journey wasn't an easy one, but it didn't take too long.
Everything is so pretty here, so white, so fresh and new
I wish that you could close your eyes and that you could see it too.
Please try not to be sad for me.
Try to understand
God is taking care of me...I'm in the shelter of His hands.
Here there is no sadness, no sorrow, and no pain. Here there is no
crying and I'll never hurt again. Here it is so peaceful when all the
angels sing.
Everything is so pretty here, so white, so fresh and new
I wish that you could close your eyes and that you could see it too.
Please try not to be sad for me.
Try to understand
God is taking care of me...I'm in the shelter of His hands.
Here there is no sadness, no sorrow, and no pain. Here there is no
crying and I'll never hurt again. Here it is so peaceful when all the
angels sing.
I really have to go for now... I've just got to try my wings.
(Author Unknown)
(Author Unknown)
Today
Today is Daniel's due date.
It may not have been the day he was born.
But today is still special to me.
Someday I'll hold my own baby.
Until then I'll dream of my angels.
It may not have been the day he was born.
But today is still special to me.
Someday I'll hold my own baby.
Until then I'll dream of my angels.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Wishing I was...
Proudly announcing the safe arrival of
Daniel Bishop Fugiel
to the world
February 7, 2010
At 8lbs 4 oz
20 inches long
Daniel Bishop Fugiel
to the world
February 7, 2010
At 8lbs 4 oz
20 inches long
The weight and length are just typical averages, I have no idea what his would be. I have no idea what his eye color would be, or his hair color. I don't know if he'd be tan like his daddy or pale like me. I'll never know if he would be colicky or happy.
I'll never know anything about the baby I've never held.
I'll never know anything about the baby I've never held.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
memory book
I'm putting together a book for Daniel. If you were at all touched by him, or impacted by him I would be eternally grateful for letters, notes, ect to put in the book. It can be anything you want to say, things you never got to say, or how you were impacted by him. Handwritten letters or drawing have the most sentimental meaning for us.
Please send them to:
Nelson
711 S 16th Ave
Bozeman MT 59715
It doesn't matter if you've never met us, or if you've only know of his short life through this blog. Your letters mean everything to us.
Thank you.
xoxoxox
Kay
Please send them to:
Nelson
711 S 16th Ave
Bozeman MT 59715
It doesn't matter if you've never met us, or if you've only know of his short life through this blog. Your letters mean everything to us.
Thank you.
xoxoxox
Kay
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