Stumbling over words

Last night I shattered completely. Today I'm okay.

The tears began and couldn't stop, D and I went to bed around 10:30pm and were up well past 1am talking. I don't feel like I adequately got across what I was trying to say. I'm trying so hard to open up and communicate but it's really harder than it seems. I'm gonna write it down here and then try to verbalize it to him tonight. It might work better that way.


The days I don't feel sad... I feel guilty that night. I feel like I shouldn't be happy because Daniel's not here to be happy. At the same time I feel like I should be healed... I'm a young 20-something in college, I shouldn't be burdened by any of this, I should be enjoying college while its still around. All of this makes me feel unbelievably guilty. My guilt is whats killing me... and the fact that no matter where we are I can't help but think "Daniel should be here. We could do this". Even sitting at a friends apartment I think about how he could be in his baby carrier sleeping while we socialized, my foot rocking him gently as we laugh. I know it all sounds ridiculous, but thats how it is....

Missing Daniel

I miss him so much. I can't believe how much it hurts still.
I don't even know what to say.

Happy 4th Birthday Lily

Happy Heavenly 4th Birthday to my good friends little girl Lily.

May you eat lots of cake, get lots of presents, and laugh lots too!

You're so loved little girl.

Have a wonderful birthday!

Love

Aunty K