Fly High Liam Sorensen
Lost to Miscarriage
2/19/2011
Liam,
You are greatly loved, & greatly missed.
Be good for your big sister, Karly.
She'll keep you safe while you wait for Mommy and Daddy
Love,
Kay
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Praying
I'm not a religious person, I don't believe in God, or gods. I don't believe in most miracles and a lot of things that go along with religion.
Today, I found myself praying.
A good friend found out that her HCG isn't going up at the rate it should.
She doesn't deserve to lose another baby. She's had to deal with so much...
Part of me feels like praying is useless... if there is a God he's the one taking her baby and nothing I can say or think will stop it....
Today, I found myself praying.
A good friend found out that her HCG isn't going up at the rate it should.
She doesn't deserve to lose another baby. She's had to deal with so much...
Part of me feels like praying is useless... if there is a God he's the one taking her baby and nothing I can say or think will stop it....
Monday, February 14, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Snow flakes, Angel kisses
Last night was horrible. I couldn't sleep, couldn't stop crying.
All around miserable.
I decided today was going to be a good day. I couldn't be sad all the time, that would disappoint my angels.
And as if to say "Mommy we love you" this morning big soft flakes of snow fell as I walked to class.
I'm not one to jump on the supernatural band wagon, but there was something special about this snow in my heart.
The soft flakes landed on my cheeks, forehead, and hands- melting away gently.
They were angel kisses.
All around miserable.
I decided today was going to be a good day. I couldn't be sad all the time, that would disappoint my angels.
And as if to say "Mommy we love you" this morning big soft flakes of snow fell as I walked to class.
I'm not one to jump on the supernatural band wagon, but there was something special about this snow in my heart.
The soft flakes landed on my cheeks, forehead, and hands- melting away gently.
They were angel kisses.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Should be a year old
Daniel, you should be one year old today....
A whole year old...
Instead you've been an angel for 1 year, 7 months, 3 weeks, and 6 days.
Its not fair. Not fair at all.
I'd give anything to hold you close...
Kiss you, hug you...
Baby boy, I need you.
More than you know...
Getting out of bed every morning is such a struggle.
I want to die most days.
Anything to be with you.
I miss you Daniel, do you miss me too?
A whole year old...
Instead you've been an angel for 1 year, 7 months, 3 weeks, and 6 days.
Its not fair. Not fair at all.
I'd give anything to hold you close...
Kiss you, hug you...
Baby boy, I need you.
More than you know...
Getting out of bed every morning is such a struggle.
I want to die most days.
Anything to be with you.
I miss you Daniel, do you miss me too?
Sunday, February 6, 2011
30 Minutes
In 30 minutes it will be what should be my littlest angel's 1st birthday.
Should be a big event.
A time to celebrate with family and friends.
30 minutes- I'll be in bed.
When I wake up I'll go to classes and act like its any other day.
No celebration.
Just another day without my baby boy.
Should be a big event.
A time to celebrate with family and friends.
30 minutes- I'll be in bed.
When I wake up I'll go to classes and act like its any other day.
No celebration.
Just another day without my baby boy.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Feelings
I'm not alone. Not at all. In fact I'm sitting in a room with 3 other people.
But I feel alone.
Monday is the day that should be Daniel's first birthday (his due date + 1 year)
Its not fair.
He should be here...
I know I've said it a million times, but it doesn't make me feel any less hurt that he's not here.
I'm also feeling guilty.
I want a rainbow baby so badly.
A baby to focus on and to love.
Its stupid, I know.
I've got everything in life going for me to be a successful and happy college student
Yet I want to ruin it so I can have a baby to love...
I'm romanticizing it all, I know.
But sometimes its all I can do to not break down.
But I feel alone.
Monday is the day that should be Daniel's first birthday (his due date + 1 year)
Its not fair.
He should be here...
I know I've said it a million times, but it doesn't make me feel any less hurt that he's not here.
I'm also feeling guilty.
I want a rainbow baby so badly.
A baby to focus on and to love.
Its stupid, I know.
I've got everything in life going for me to be a successful and happy college student
Yet I want to ruin it so I can have a baby to love...
I'm romanticizing it all, I know.
But sometimes its all I can do to not break down.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
New Project
I have a new project I've been thinking about doing. Its still in the planning stages though.
I'd need some money to start so that needs to come first.
But here's my early thought process of my new project-
Support for miscarriage losses only- up to 12 weeks gestation.
These are the babies that are lost, but there is no baby to hold and say goodbye to.
Stillbirth, infant death, and SIDS losses all have special support groups and such- miscarriages are considered "lesser" losses for the most part.
I would like to put together packages with up to 12 week gestation sized blankets (crocheted by me- in yellow, blue, or pink) and a packet of information, support contacts, and a candle (yellow, blue, or pink).
This is a ways off, maybe even after graduation...
It's a thought. I want to help "miscarriage" parents deal with their losses.
I'd need some money to start so that needs to come first.
But here's my early thought process of my new project-
Support for miscarriage losses only- up to 12 weeks gestation.
These are the babies that are lost, but there is no baby to hold and say goodbye to.
Stillbirth, infant death, and SIDS losses all have special support groups and such- miscarriages are considered "lesser" losses for the most part.
I would like to put together packages with up to 12 week gestation sized blankets (crocheted by me- in yellow, blue, or pink) and a packet of information, support contacts, and a candle (yellow, blue, or pink).
This is a ways off, maybe even after graduation...
It's a thought. I want to help "miscarriage" parents deal with their losses.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Not A Real Angel Mom
I'm not a real angel mom.
My "angels" were lost before 12 weeks gestation.
They're just flesh and blood- not a baby.
Be sad and move on, shouldn't take more than a month or so.
There never was a baby, just hormones.
Those hopes and dreams you had about holding your baby someday- nothing, you shouldn't have been so excited yet. There was always the chance you'd have a miscarriage.
That's why I'm not a real angel mom.
Because my "angels" weren't real.
Thank you to real angel moms for pointing this out and explaining it to me.
I've been set on the right course now.
My "angels" were lost before 12 weeks gestation.
They're just flesh and blood- not a baby.
Be sad and move on, shouldn't take more than a month or so.
There never was a baby, just hormones.
Those hopes and dreams you had about holding your baby someday- nothing, you shouldn't have been so excited yet. There was always the chance you'd have a miscarriage.
That's why I'm not a real angel mom.
Because my "angels" weren't real.
Thank you to real angel moms for pointing this out and explaining it to me.
I've been set on the right course now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)