Vacation

Three days that should have been carefree and stress free... I was on the verge of tears for most of it...
Horrible.
The vacation itself was amazing and I loved every moment of it.
Every time I had a moment of down time the single thought continuously popped in my head, "Daniel should be here"
I tried to tell myself all the things that David and I couldn't do if we had Daniel... the vacation itself wouldn't have happened if Daniel was here... but other than the horseback riding on the beach (which was amazing) we could have done everything with our little boy there.
I miss Daniel and I wish he was here... I'd give everything up for him...

Welcome Winry

After much deliberation it was decided that a companion animal was neccesary.
We welcome Winry the Sugar Glider to our family.

We are very excited to have her and love her very very much.
She's still a baby and will almost double in size from how big she is now.
A lot of people don't know what sugar gliders are so heres a short explanation:
Sugar gliders are a marsupial native to Australia, they eat mostly bugs, fruits, and vegitation. They bond with people and become life long friends. They can live up to 15 years.
We are looking forward to many years of love!

Companion Animals

After we lost Daniel we got a kitten. She wasn't a replacement but... a living thing to put our energy into since we couldn't give it to Daniel. Our kitten, Narissa, was probably the best cat I've ever had, and probably ever have. When Narissa passed away in May it hurt almost as much as losing Daniel for me. She had become my baby, my everything.
We've now reached a point where we would like a new companion animal to put our energy's into and have decided on a sugar glider. Mind you we wanted another cat or a dog but our apartment has its restrictions.
I really do believe in the healing powers of animals, and the love and comfort they can bring after a loss. I'm not saying they replace your child or loved one in any way (that's never possible) but that they are able to give you the comfort that you can't always get from another human being. Animals act on that sense that humans often wont. People are often uncomfortable with and shy away from a grieving person, animals will go try to figure out whats wrong, and just sit with you a lot of the time. Animals are just so amazing in that way I guess...

You would have been 2

You should be turning two...
My twins...
I would have been a typical mom, dressing you in matching outfits...
Kylie a little blue dress, James jeans and a matching blue shirt...
I don't tell you two enough how much I love and miss you...
I'm a bad mommy sometimes...
That's why you both went back to Heaven... I wasn't a good mommy at the time...
I'm working on getting better though... I'm trying to make it up to you...
I miss you both so much and I love you a little more everyday...
You'll always be my first babies...
My prince and princess...
I love you both so much.
I love you James.
I love you Kylie.

Song

I heard this song last night on the radio and it made me think of my little girl.



if i die young bury me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
ooh ooh ooh ooh

lord make me a rainbow I'll shine down on my mother
she'll know I'm safe with you and she stands under my colors
oh and life ain't always what you think it ought to be
no ain't even gray but she buries her baby
the sharp knife of a short life
well I've had just enough time

if i die young bury me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
the sharp knife of a short life
well, i have just enough time

and I'll be wearing white
when i come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the lovin' of man
but it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand
there's a boy here in town
who says he'll love me forever
who would have thought forever could be severed
by the sharp knife of a short life
well I've had just enough time

so put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls
what i never did is done
a penny for my thoughts oh no I'll sell 'em for a dollar
they're worth so much more after I'm a goner
and maybe then you'll hear the words that I've been singin'
its funny when your dead how people start listenin'

if i die young bury me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
ooh ooh the ballad of a dove
go with peace and love
gather up your tears and keep them in your pocket
save em for a time when your really gonna need em.
oh the sharp knife of a short life
well I've had just enough time
so put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls