Coping? Not really.

It sucks that communication can break down to a point that is crippling.
Right now I can't talk to Dave.
I just can't.
Not because he's done anything wrong, but because I don't know how to communicate the unbelievable emotions I'm feeling.
I can barely do it here where I know almost no one will read it.

I'll try to list them to start-

• Lonely
• Scared
• Sad
• Angry
• Confused

Now I'll try to explain them-

Lonely: 

I don't have very many friends I can sit down and have a glass of wine with, let alone friends that I can sit down and talk to about how I'm feeling...

Scared: 

After your first loss you feel like you'll never be able to do anything right, by your fourth your about ready to throw in the towel. Yeah, that's how I'm feeling right now. I'm so afraid that I'm never going to have a baby to hold in my arms and watch grow. I'm afraid my inability to carry a child to term will result in a rift in my relationship with Dave. I'm just so scared.

Sad: 

I'm sad for multiple reasons... my inability to communicate with Dave. Each of my losses. The lack of a growing child in my life. Impatience. All these things contribute to my sadness. And for a few of them there's nothing I can do to change it.

Angry: 

Why does he not reach out? Sure he asks if I want to talk, but that's not really enough. I need him to take me in his arms and tell me its all going to be okay and that someday soon we'll have a child to hold. That's what I need, but if I tell him that exactly then it defeats the purpose...

Confused: 

Everything, all these emotions have left me dazed and confused. I just don't know what I want, who I am, or what I'm doing anymore.

This really didn't help me all that much... I had hoped it would...

Oh well.