Acting out

Since the loss of a pregnancy (it feels wrong to say that) last month I've been unsure how to feel about the situation.

Usually, I can just not think about it, but I find myself lashing out at others.
I couldn't figure out why, but it hit me like a brick wall today.

Its my way of coping with yet another loss.
The confusion, attempts to forget, and everything else have made it worse.
There was never a "baby" not even an embryo. It was literally an egg that had nothing viable but sent my body into pregnancy alert.
I wouldn't have even known if I hadn't started bleeding earlier than my usual period.
Usually when one looses an infant they mourn the loss of dreams and a future.

But what am I upset about? There isn't anything I should be upset about.
Is it that another chance came and went without letting me have any input?
Is it that I screwed up my birth control and put Dave's future in danger?

I think I'm angry and lashing out because of both these things.

I still don't know how to feel, or what to think, and mostly this is just word vomit on a screen as I try to sort things out.

But here's my apology: I'm sorry to those I've lashed out at. I hope that I can repair what I have damaged and find a better outlet for my emotions.