We're coming upon that day... June 12th... a day that is my personal hell. Only a few minutes after midnight, after the tolling of June 12th, Daniel slipped away.
The pain, the excruciating heartbreak, the unstoppable tears...
Everything still feels so fresh when I start to think about it.
The shower, the blood, the horrendous cramping, the look on Dave's face.
I even attempted to make things better by returning to normal not 30 minutes after everything had come to its climax. Asking for a glass of milk... chocolate milk actually... Dave made it for me while I cleaned myself up and got dressed after the shower.
Things have never returned to "normal" since that night. We had finally found a new "normal" after the twins... and then we found ourselves pregnant again... the loss of Daniel was devestating.
I never saw Dave cry... he says he did. Both when I was getting dressed after our loss and in the waiting room the next morning at the clinic. I wasn't present either time. On the other hand my tears were unending for what seemed like months.
Now there aren't so many tears from me. But it still hurts.
I get asked a lot how we knew Daniel was a boy. To be honest, we don't know for sure... but our gut said 'boy' so we went with it. Dave named our little fish... I don't know how he came up with the name Daniel Bishop, but he did and I fell in love with it. I should really ask him... maybe I can get him to write a blurb about it... that would mean everything to me.
I realize I'm rambling, but it feels good. Just to put everything on my mind out there.
This June 12th I will be alone. Dave is still working on the west side and non of my friends here understand or even know about Daniel. I feel like I could possibly reveal it to Saber, but I'm not sure. The last person I really let in broke my heart.
I don't know what I'll do... maybe I'll ask off work, but maybe I'll request to work. Maybe just keeping busy with other things will be best?
I don't know... Last year we celebrated, and I loved it. It was perfect. This year will be different. If I can open up to Saber than I'll probably ask off, and ask if she and her beau will go to dinner with me to celebrate. I just don't know. Its all so confusing.
The pain, the excruciating heartbreak, the unstoppable tears...
Everything still feels so fresh when I start to think about it.
The shower, the blood, the horrendous cramping, the look on Dave's face.
I even attempted to make things better by returning to normal not 30 minutes after everything had come to its climax. Asking for a glass of milk... chocolate milk actually... Dave made it for me while I cleaned myself up and got dressed after the shower.
Things have never returned to "normal" since that night. We had finally found a new "normal" after the twins... and then we found ourselves pregnant again... the loss of Daniel was devestating.
I never saw Dave cry... he says he did. Both when I was getting dressed after our loss and in the waiting room the next morning at the clinic. I wasn't present either time. On the other hand my tears were unending for what seemed like months.
Now there aren't so many tears from me. But it still hurts.
I get asked a lot how we knew Daniel was a boy. To be honest, we don't know for sure... but our gut said 'boy' so we went with it. Dave named our little fish... I don't know how he came up with the name Daniel Bishop, but he did and I fell in love with it. I should really ask him... maybe I can get him to write a blurb about it... that would mean everything to me.
I realize I'm rambling, but it feels good. Just to put everything on my mind out there.
This June 12th I will be alone. Dave is still working on the west side and non of my friends here understand or even know about Daniel. I feel like I could possibly reveal it to Saber, but I'm not sure. The last person I really let in broke my heart.
I don't know what I'll do... maybe I'll ask off work, but maybe I'll request to work. Maybe just keeping busy with other things will be best?
I don't know... Last year we celebrated, and I loved it. It was perfect. This year will be different. If I can open up to Saber than I'll probably ask off, and ask if she and her beau will go to dinner with me to celebrate. I just don't know. Its all so confusing.
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