This year I'm not participating in most of the October 15th activities- the blog projects, walks, lead up preparations... none of it.
Tomorrow night I will light a candle, and probably write a personal blog post to talk about how things have changed in the last year, maybe post on my angel mom Facebook, but nothing compared to previous years.
It may be that this year I'm pregnant, or maybe we are enough years out that I don't feel the need to memorialize in such a public way anymore, or maybe I'm just so tired from work and being pregnant that I don't have any extra energy. I don't know.
Last year a dear friend visited from Australia, and we did a good sized memorial together. It was beautiful and something I will never forget. It was gorgeous and a beautiful way to honor our angels together. This year will just be me with minimal participation.
Part of me hates myself for it. I shouldn't be willing to be so minimalist about my angels' memories. Yet here I am, feeling that I need to focus on my current pregnancy and baby girl. She needs me more now than my angels do. Their memories will live on in their father and I, but baby girl needs us right now. She needs us to be strong and to do everything we can to get her to full term. Her angel siblings are doing their part in giving their mamma and little sister strength. I know they understand that mamma needs to take care of baby girl.
Tomorrow night I will light a candle, and probably write a personal blog post to talk about how things have changed in the last year, maybe post on my angel mom Facebook, but nothing compared to previous years.
It may be that this year I'm pregnant, or maybe we are enough years out that I don't feel the need to memorialize in such a public way anymore, or maybe I'm just so tired from work and being pregnant that I don't have any extra energy. I don't know.
Last year a dear friend visited from Australia, and we did a good sized memorial together. It was beautiful and something I will never forget. It was gorgeous and a beautiful way to honor our angels together. This year will just be me with minimal participation.
Part of me hates myself for it. I shouldn't be willing to be so minimalist about my angels' memories. Yet here I am, feeling that I need to focus on my current pregnancy and baby girl. She needs me more now than my angels do. Their memories will live on in their father and I, but baby girl needs us right now. She needs us to be strong and to do everything we can to get her to full term. Her angel siblings are doing their part in giving their mamma and little sister strength. I know they understand that mamma needs to take care of baby girl.
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