It doesn't seem to matter how far we get, I'm still not convinced our little girl will come home with us at any point.
Last night she was in distress because she got wrapped up in her cord and couldn't untangle herself. Usually babies can get themselves unstuck but for whatever reason she couldn't. Thankfully, I listened to my gut after not feeling her kick for what seemed like forever (closer to a day and a half) and called L&D. They had me come in and with some manhandling of my belly they got her unstuck.
Its seems as soon as we let our guard down something else happens... what if next time it isn't so lucky? What if next time we lose her? I'm terrified and I can't shake it.
Part of me wants to get some of the big items, but I can't do it because I don't know what we'll do with it if we lose her. I don't want to even think about it. I'm so scared about everything.
Its amazing the conflicting emotion that I'm having. Part of me is dying to buy her pac-n-play/bassinet so that she has a safe place to sleep in our home- to make her more "real" I guess. Part of me doesn't want it because I don't want to risk having it if she doesn't make it.
I hate thinking like this. I should be positive and excited and happy for our baby girl, and here I am shaking.
Last night she was in distress because she got wrapped up in her cord and couldn't untangle herself. Usually babies can get themselves unstuck but for whatever reason she couldn't. Thankfully, I listened to my gut after not feeling her kick for what seemed like forever (closer to a day and a half) and called L&D. They had me come in and with some manhandling of my belly they got her unstuck.
Its seems as soon as we let our guard down something else happens... what if next time it isn't so lucky? What if next time we lose her? I'm terrified and I can't shake it.
Part of me wants to get some of the big items, but I can't do it because I don't know what we'll do with it if we lose her. I don't want to even think about it. I'm so scared about everything.
Its amazing the conflicting emotion that I'm having. Part of me is dying to buy her pac-n-play/bassinet so that she has a safe place to sleep in our home- to make her more "real" I guess. Part of me doesn't want it because I don't want to risk having it if she doesn't make it.
I hate thinking like this. I should be positive and excited and happy for our baby girl, and here I am shaking.
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