Timing is everything.
Right now its my worst enemy.
It just so happens that I will be ovulating on my honeymoon... but its not the right time so we'll have to miss this opportunity.
We also have to figure out the logistics of insurance, and hospital bills, and finances of who will work and how we will support ourselves.
D has two more years of school, so ideally we would wait for him to be done and get a job. Then I would stay home with the baby since my salary would not outweigh the cost of day care.
Too bad my ovaries have totally different ideas and are freaking out on me. I think I'm on my 3rd ovulation in 2 days. Seriously body, get your act together! Stop wasting my precious eggs and lets work on them being healthy enough to grow strong later!
D's family has a history of infertility and his sister took 3 years to get pregnant (sending her good vibes right now as she gets through her second trimester successfully! i can't wait to be an aunt!) and he keeps trying to use her as a beacon of hope for me. "See she did it, we can do it." But I can't accept that since our problems are so different. My sister-in-law has a genetic infertility issue that involves taking shots and other treatments to get pregnant, thus far she has remained pregnant without intervention. I on the other hand can get pregnant but cannot stay pregnant, and have messed up "parts" (ovaries and tubes) thanks to some really really crappy genetics.
My sister-in-law had time to work with fertility shots and possibly IVF if needed. I don't know if my ovaries and tubes will last long enough for us to wait for D to get through school. I'm afraid we're missing our chance. I'm afraid that if we miss this chance than I'm going to resent D. That is the last thing I want... at this point I'd rather he tell me that he doesn't want kids, then have possibly live through the heart break of not being able to have a baby.
It all so frustrating and it makes me angry. So incredibly angry. And my problem right now is that D doesn't get it and it makes me lash out at him. I hate being mad at him, but he's the only person I can "blame" for my problems with timing.
This sucks. There's nothing I can do. And no way to fix it.
Fuck this.
Right now its my worst enemy.
It just so happens that I will be ovulating on my honeymoon... but its not the right time so we'll have to miss this opportunity.
We also have to figure out the logistics of insurance, and hospital bills, and finances of who will work and how we will support ourselves.
D has two more years of school, so ideally we would wait for him to be done and get a job. Then I would stay home with the baby since my salary would not outweigh the cost of day care.
Too bad my ovaries have totally different ideas and are freaking out on me. I think I'm on my 3rd ovulation in 2 days. Seriously body, get your act together! Stop wasting my precious eggs and lets work on them being healthy enough to grow strong later!
D's family has a history of infertility and his sister took 3 years to get pregnant (sending her good vibes right now as she gets through her second trimester successfully! i can't wait to be an aunt!) and he keeps trying to use her as a beacon of hope for me. "See she did it, we can do it." But I can't accept that since our problems are so different. My sister-in-law has a genetic infertility issue that involves taking shots and other treatments to get pregnant, thus far she has remained pregnant without intervention. I on the other hand can get pregnant but cannot stay pregnant, and have messed up "parts" (ovaries and tubes) thanks to some really really crappy genetics.
My sister-in-law had time to work with fertility shots and possibly IVF if needed. I don't know if my ovaries and tubes will last long enough for us to wait for D to get through school. I'm afraid we're missing our chance. I'm afraid that if we miss this chance than I'm going to resent D. That is the last thing I want... at this point I'd rather he tell me that he doesn't want kids, then have possibly live through the heart break of not being able to have a baby.
It all so frustrating and it makes me angry. So incredibly angry. And my problem right now is that D doesn't get it and it makes me lash out at him. I hate being mad at him, but he's the only person I can "blame" for my problems with timing.
This sucks. There's nothing I can do. And no way to fix it.
Fuck this.
I dont think that the men ever get it. I heard my DF say to some other BL parents "I dont think I will ever understand what she ( meaning me) went through". They will never be able to understand just how important the fact that each pregnancy is different. Take him with you if you can to a specialist appointment. Maybe hearing it from a "professional" will help him to understand that time is of the esscence.... Love you xxx
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