Monday, March 26, 2012

April 30th

I'm pretty sure I could be labeled a masochist after what I've done today.
After telling everyone I don't want to know Lilla Bjorn's due date I went and looked it up today...

April 30th, 2012

I would be 34 weeks pregnant if I had not lost the pregnancy.

This loss has not been as hard as past losses, and it doesn't consume me every day like Daniel did. I let my curiosity get the better of me today and I think its going to get the better of me in the long run. I feel an unbelievable sadness now because I made this loss real.

I hate myself for it.

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