Like Walking into a Brick Wall

I feel like I've been doing better- happier, able to cope, like I'm in a good place.

And then its like walking into a brick wall that came out of no where.

Last night I crawled into bed without Dave and felt lonely, so I grabbed Kylie's bear. I wasn't sad, I wasn't upset, I just needed the comfort. I felt like I was in a good place. Thinking about my darling angel girl, without feeling overwhelming sadness. Yes, a tinge of sadness was felt, but also comfort.

Woke up in a good mood, started the day off right. Hot relaxing shower, no classes, a beautiful sunny day. Dave and I went out to run some errands, it was nice getting out for the first time in a few days. While in a store the sound of a newborn babies cry came from a few aisles over. When I say newborn, I mean only a few days old- the forced cries of a baby freshly entered this world. 

My heart fractured into a million tiny pieces. The cry I have longed to hear for such a long time was finally here, but not from my own child. Dave knew immediately that it was going to hurt me, but I think I was able to hold myself together better than he expected. I'm proud of that.

My brick walls are getting better. Instead of falling into a mess I'm able to pull myself together and remove myself from the situation in most cases. Today was a turning point as I look back on it. 

I'm really proud of myself for being able to hold myself together even though my heart was shattering.