What am I doing?

A new year has come and its supposed to be a time of renewal.  I wish I could spout out my resolutions and talk about how hopeful I am for a new year.

Unfortunately, I can't.

I suddenly feel more hopeless now than I have in a  long time...

I can't say why for sure.

I'm projected to graduate in December of 2013, which means I could be married in 2014, and holding a baby as soon as 2015. I should be happy right?

I turned 21, and have the luxury of enjoying an adult beverage every once in a while. 
My bonding with my gliders has taken an amazing turn and they're my little loves. I love being with them and I love playing with them.

My classes this semester are amazing and so far I love them all. 

D and I applied for an apartment together on campus, we'll finally live together in a stable apartment, I couldn't be happier.

Yet, I have felt almost completely hopeless for the last few days.

Maybe my depression is back- maybe I need to see a counselor... they're free on campus. I should probably take advantage of it...

I don't want people to look down on me for going to counseling... for being weak.

Its a downward spiral I've started in on. I'm sure my constant drinking on the weekends doesn't help in anyway. But it helps me unwind, am I on my way to alcoholism?

What am I doing? Letting myself fall- I wish someone could save me, but I am probably the only person who can.