Holidays are coming

The holidays are coming, and normally this is my favorite time of the year...
Last year was hard to get through, loosing my angels during the holidays. But this year I find it almost harder. At this point they would be here, beautiful 3 month old babies, and I would be picking out their first halloween costumes. But I'm not and now I walk into store selling halloween costumes and find myself fighting back tears. It brings me back to how I felt this last mother's day...
I hadn't really communicated my with my fiance very well about how I was coping (or lack of) with my loss. Mother's day rolled around and I kept face for my own mother, but cried whenever I was alone. I wanted nothing more than to be a mother. I had heard of men doing something special for their wives after a miscarriage for mother's day... I had secretly hoped David would. But as I said, at that point I kept everything to myself. He didn't do anything special, I don't even remember if I saw him that day.
That's all in the past now, and I don't hold anything against my fiance, don't get me wrong. But now that Halloween is rolling around (one of my favorite holidays) and I see all the adorable baby costumes I find myself trying not to cry at the very sight of them.
I'm spending Halloween with David this year thankfully. Hopefully it'll be a year I can live through.